What do you do when someone stabs you with a fork?


Easy.
You take TWO non-stainless-steel rusty forks (you're already on the winning side coz you have more), stick one up his ass and one up the nose, and grind away happily, savouring each twist.



Not what he/she deserves I hear?




Fine. Just screw him/her in a blender with lotsa chillies and peppers.
(Trust me, no one looks good with red skin! Except Animal)




So what if a person puts on a show and manipulates you into being the evil critic?


You GRAB the opportunity and heckle ala Statler & Waldorf till you turn green pink (Pink's a better colour).
Don't worry about coming off as sarcastic and mean.
Everybody loves Statler & Waldorf!